Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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