This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
