I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
