My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
