I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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