well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
