it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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