Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
