When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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