Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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