I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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