Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
