i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
