Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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