Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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