His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
