See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
