There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Dicks are not precious.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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