i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
