Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
