dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
handjob tips. give me some.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
