the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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