After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
