I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
