just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
