I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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