Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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