goodnight i made you a song goodbye
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
