does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I touched a dick in church today
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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