Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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