Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize