I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
