Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
It's just like the Real World with babies
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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