why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
