we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
