Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
