your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
