is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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