im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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