Dual....:-)
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize