i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
