dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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