My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
