Jerry, you need to find god
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
