my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
