This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
