How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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