just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
