I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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