Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
