every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
