Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
