the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
