Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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