I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Green mimosas i think yes
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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