i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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