I want to make a zoo with you.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
