i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
