You work out of a Hotel?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
