it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I've blown a few things in my day
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize