He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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