So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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