im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
