Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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