um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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