Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
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