i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
