Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize