So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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