i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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